We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
