She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
