no, he came in my armpit
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I enjoy the company of your penis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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