As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
