Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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