We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
