i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
