i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
