and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
