Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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