You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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