So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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