I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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