i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
