just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
