it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
