What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
