Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
