I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
