I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
