Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
