i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
