I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
