Yo dont text me then not text me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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