What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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