i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
