I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
