why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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