I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
