how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
