I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
