Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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