"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
We smell like vodka and hangover
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
