I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
