I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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