An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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