I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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