You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
