I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
