she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
