other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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