i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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