Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
God, I missed his penis.
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