He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
