I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
