I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Small penises have feelings too.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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