Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
