I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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