Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
there's paper in my vomit.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
