everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
