do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
