He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
