she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
