Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
